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Friday, March 20, 2015

Speaking To Those Open Ears of Hers

In 2007 at a Men Are Builders Conference I listened as Dr.Myles Munroe spoke visions and life into a room full of men who desired to become better men, husbands, and fathers. The power of his words were so profound afterwards I immediately purchased the audio copy for my personal use. Some 8 years later this vision still lives in the eyes of many men worldwide. My question is in a world where the level of being independent and self-sufficient has risen to an all-time high as depicted by many of our media outlets and sources how does a man who strives to create a healthy environment for his future relationship communicate these ideas, strategies, and plans to the woman of today without being seen as controlling or trying to change her?

We all are a product of some type of relationship and one key component to each type of relationship is communication. Several authors and experts have created methods of understanding one’s “love language”,however how does one establish a healthy line of communication when love has yet to be developed? We have been taught that if you love someone that it will work. Through experiences we can prove that this theory could be possibly flawed as I’m sure those who are now divorced would not say that they did not love the person they were married too. If love is not the cement to keeping relationships together what components or strategies are key?

Proverbs 24: 3-5 states that by wisdom a house is built, through understanding it is established. Through knowledge its rooms are filled with beautiful treasures.

According to Solomon, you do not need love first to build a strong relationship, marriage, or a strong home. Now he did not say you do not need love, he only said you do not need love, FIRST. So if you do not need love first what do you need in order to build a strong relationship,marriage, or a strong home?

As I thought about Solomon’s words it led me to reverse the order in which these were given to provide a more in-depth meaning. The first thing he stated you need is knowledge.Before anything can become knowledge it is first information. With information one must be careful who and where they get their information from because you must make sure the information that you are getting is Truth. The second component he stated you need is understanding. Before a person can understand the information they must be able to comprehend it. Many people do not have the capacity to comprehend certain information for many reasons. Often times it stems from one desiring to be understood verses trying to understand. The final component is wisdom. Wisdom is the application process. This means being able to take the information that you have comprehended and apply it effectively to your situation.

A person cannot apply what they do not know and you cannot know what you do not understand.

When a man who desires a lifelong mate meets a woman he seeks to discover if she has those certain qualities to be his wife.  Once the qualities she possess are revealed he will either communicate to her that he desires to date her or that he seeks to entertain other prospective ladies. If he is a man who strives to be better and desires a healthy relationship, marriage, and strong home he may start to communicate information in the beginning to help with the maturation process him and her.

For instance, a man who witnessed his father abuse his mother may communicate to the lady he is dating that he does not care to “play fight” or pass non-violent blows as this could possibly lead to a more serious and abusive behavior in a more intense situation once they are deeper into the relationship. Another example is if a man witnessed his father being verbally abused by his mother he may seek to do away with verbal swearing during communication with his potential mate to alleviate the possibility of being verbally abused in a more intense situation once they are deeper into the relationship. A woman may choose to do the same if she experienced a prior behavior from a past relationship or living arrangement that was not considered healthy.

So my question is how does a man who is constantly getting information that could be seen as “truth” communicate this information to his potential mate without being seen as controlling or negatively trying change her so that she is able to understand it and apply it so they are able to build a healthy relationship, which leads to a healthy marriage, and a strong home? 

IG - @mreweown     

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Bridging The Gap

I woke one morning and decided to scroll through my Facebook time line.  As I scrolled through different posts, videos, and those that had been shared by various people I noticed that as it pertains to relationships, marriage, and love many of the posts either motivated, inspired, and gave advice to the man on how to care for the woman. 

Let me first be clear in where I am going with this.  I totally appreciate and love the attention many of our high profile authors and entertainers are giving to making sure the man is better prepared and suited to love our beautiful women, however I question why isn't there a balance of motivation, inspiration, and advice given to the woman on how to care for the man??

Heartbreak isn't a feeling only experienced by the woman, it is also something men deal with as well.  So providing information on a balanced playing field could possibly bridge the gap and help with both gender's becoming more familiar with understanding what the other gender expects and desires. 

Trust me I know the underlying reason behind the 80-20 split -$$- of information being predicated on the man becoming better, however this could possibly be doing the woman a disservice as it could allow her to always feel as if she has been the victim in every failed relationship when in actuality she could have possibly altered some of her behaviors which would have sustained and enhanced a failed relationship or marriage.

To be a person who strives to create change requires a commitment to helping not only one side, but both sides because a relationship or a marriage is not one-sided.  It involves two people which means it has two sides. A circle is only a circle when it is whole, however when a line is drawn down the middle you have created a division which only allows for both sides to drift apart which can lead to possible misunderstandings or an increased desire to not work together to stay together.

I have sat in many singles meetings, singles ministries, and gatherings and it is primarily dominated by the female gender.  However, I wonder has anyone took the time to seek out why the men are not as anxious to attend these meetings? I'll give one of many reason's why the male out pour is scarce, because we take a "beating" daily whether its from social media, the next great book, or the next box office hit which could increase the revenue these "relationship experts" receive. However, are they really helping the overall cause??

I challenge every individual who speaks on relationships, love, and marriage to create of balance which will be shared for the man and the woman so that we can ultimately achieve the "goal" we desire which is to reduce the numbers of divorces and failed relationships and to increase the number of successful commitments and timeless marriages.  

Could men be at fault more often than not to why a relationship fails? Possibly, but could the woman also be at fault to why a relationship fails? Possibly, so with that in mind let us strive to help both genders understand one another so we can grow together and not apart.  

A great book once said, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another", Proverbs 27:17.

Marco Walder